Life is short
Life is short
Dear reader,
In 8th grade, I had a loud red t-shirt with bolded text that read “Life is short, eat dessert first.” A graphic man held up a black-and-white ice cream cone. Was he singing into the cone, or about to take a bite? Either way, he looked out of his mind with glee. The shirt repped Amy’s Ice Cream, an Austin-based ice cream shop popular for the almost violent way they’d knead and paddle the toppings into the scoops for you. My bad did I say “toppings?” Ha, I mean “crush-ins.”
Later, my feelings towards the shirt would be complicated by a local political campaign that Amy threw herself into. Her shop’s logo suddenly sprouted from the lawns of Austin’s McMansions. But before things got complicated, I would wear this shirt two or three times a week to school. (That’s—two or three days, out of a five-day week. You feel?) I don’t know why I did it. I guess, the shirt just spoke to me.
One day in Language Arts, Landon R****** turned around in his one-arm desk to face me. Landon facing me was always a terrifying event. He was hot for 8th grade (think, Bam Margera a thousand years ago), and cocky, and mean. He’d spend his weekends wakeboarding on Lake Austin, and would occasionally subject me to light bullying at school.
[A note, dear reader: if you feel moved to suggest that Landon actually probably just had a crush one me? You’re dead fucking wrong, that is not what this was. Moving along.]
“You wear that shirt like, every day.” Landon said loudly to me, performing for our classmates. What happened after that? I don’t know, I can’t remember. I probably didn’t speak words, because I didn’t speak a lot back then. Being as shy as I was made me an easy target. Probably also, in retrospect: doing things like wearing the same shirt every day to class probably made me an easy target.
Some have made the argument that the internet, and social media more specifically, has altered our collective mental state for the worse. Maybe, yes? But I feel that it’s all worth it if on occasion you wonder where your 8th-grade bully is now, and with a lazy Google you get to find your answer. Where is Landon R****** now? Last I checked, he relocated to Colorado, where he produces electro-funk & soul / trip-hop. Think, fractals.
On Wednesday I put out “NYC UMTs,” my final single before my beloved album comes out next month. Wishing all my haters—but especially Landon R******—well. So happy to announce the show dates below ~
NYC - 6/22
LA - 7/7
SF - 7/8
ION ~*~*~*
☆ The Dare put out his Sex EP today (congrats Harri ! 💐)
☆ Blake is playing his first NYC show in a minute ~ tonight at Baby’s
☆ I’m on staycation in LES until Monday, honestly kind of checked out rn
Eat dessert first (or all day long),
May